Good Girl People-Pleasing Date Rape

September 23, 2021 By Karen Leave a Comment

People-Pleasing

When I was 17, I was still a virgin. I had done my share of making out in cars with some of the boys from school, but they always refrained from going too far. At that time, birth control wasn’t everywhere and going “all the way” was out of the question.

That summer I took a writing course. The out-of-town teacher, a man in his twenties, read from his published work and I was enthralled. When he asked me out for dinner at the end of the workshop, I was flattered and exited. He took me to the expensive restaurant in the hotel and afterwards, said he wanted to read me something. Enchanted, I followed him to the elevator.

He moved quickly once we were in his room and being the quintessential people-pleasing Good Girl, I went along with what he was doing, sure he would stop before things went too far.

Within minutes, it was over and he was stuffing himself back into his jeans. He hadn’t been physically forceful. Or brutal. He had simply used my Good Girl People-Pleasing stance to rape me.

I didn’t tell anyone for over 20 years. But it definitely catalyzed me to help both men and women speak up and learn the skills to Say The Unsayable.

The Price Tag of People Pleasing

I wanted to share this story because we tend to think of ‘people pleasing’ as something we shouldn’t do, like we shouldn’t eat junk food, but we often don’t see its debilitating and soul-destroying affects. For both men and women. I want to wake people up about it.

Most women are somewhat cognizant of our people-pleasing. But we often minimize its price tag to our emotional wellbeing. Men
do people-pleasing behaviours as well. Regardless of your gender, people-pleasing robs us of our ability to stand for ourselves and steals any chance we have of being our full selves.

How Much of A People-Pleaser Are You?

Want to see where you fall on the continuum of people pleasing behaviours? Read the statements below. Check mark all the bahaviours you currently engage in.

You get nervous when other people get upset with you.
Even when your own schedule is more than full, you give your time to someone else.
You apologize for small, unimportant things like being 2 minutes late or unintentionally jostling against someone.
You laugh when other laugh even if you aren’t amused.
You give in and go along with another even when this involves doing something you either don’t want to do or don’t feel is right to do.
You feign interest even when you aren’t.
You apologize when others have a strong emotion & feel responsible for their emotions.
You avoid giving your opinion when you imagine it will be
You say ‘Yes’ when you don’t want to.
Saying ‘No’ is very difficult.

Please help me spread the word by sharing this email:

‘KARENS’ AND WHITE PRIVILEGE

September 14, 2021 By Karen Leave a Comment

‘Karens’ and White Privilege:

‘Karens’ have been called entitled. Histrionic. Self-absorbed. Even racist.

According to the Urban Dictionary, a ‘Karen’ is a middle-aged women, typically blond, who makes a big fuss over minor inconveniences. An example is the woman who sued a city council after they installed a STOP sign that blocked the sun from her window for 10 minutes a day. (The sign was put in after a child was hit by a speeding driver and killed.)

When Your Name Is An Insult:

This type of person is nasty, but lots of people are nasty who aren’t named ‘Karen’. But ‘Karens’ are getting bashed these days all over the Internet. I should know. I am named Karen. I like to think I’m an ‘evolved Karen’ and that the judgements about my name don’t apply to me, but, nonetheless, they sting. You’ll understand one day if your own name becomes a derogatory word. The Lindas, Becky’s and Chads of the world have already been through it.

Why are ‘Karens’ getting hit so hard? What is this anti-Karen movement all about? When I heard someone call Donald Trump referred to as a “Karen in Chief”, I knew I had to do some digging. As I explored, it seemed to me that our culture is always trying to self-regulate and this is a good thing. Right now, there is a great deal of rejigging, much needed rejigging, around the issue of white privilege. Most white people are swimming in privilege and don’t even know it, so the ‘Karen’ bashing is a way our culture is trying to get us to SEE privilege more clearly and it’s easier to see in the behaviours of some white, blond, middle-aged women. And my goodness, we so need to see it!

Call The Manager:

For example, a friend of mine said she didn’t realize she was being entitled when she heard herself telling her husband to “call the manager” when he was displeased in a store one day. This friend isn’t named ‘Karen’ but realized she was acting like the ‘Karen’ so many people are talking about. And she changed her behaviour and retracted her request. Being ‘unKaren like’ can be a good thing.

But there are also good things about actually being a ‘Karen’. First of all, many of them are highly sensitive. They feel things acutely and can often sniff what they consider ‘injustice’ a mile away. Okay, maybe two miles away. And once their snouts have gotten hold of what they think is injustice, they are willing to shout about it long and hard. And they have no scruples about taking action when others won’t. It’s almost as if they enjoy rocking the boat.

Saying The Unsayable:

Our culture needs more people speaking up right now. We have been quiet for WAY too long about the atrocities being done to the planet and its divergent peoples. But we need to do it in a way that can be heard. (This is my superpower, helping people “say the unsayable” in ways that will be respected and heard.)

So, this is a call to all ‘Karens’. Instead of brandishing white privilege, speak out against it. Let’s be the blonds at the front of the protest march, the pushy broads who stand up to the cops when they are acting in racist ways.

The world needs us ‘evolved Karens’ now more than ever.

WOMEN ARE STUPID! WHAT?

August 25, 2021 By Karen Leave a Comment

Uprooting Old Beliefs:

“Women are stupid.” It’s hard to believe that people ever accepted that belief, but they did. Even women themselves believed it. Which made it very difficult for women to speak up and for men to listen when they did!

Many women, and men too, still have beliefs that silence them. That’s why in my new course, Inner Authority, Saying the Unsayable, I’ll be teaching people how to uninstall old ones and reinstall new ones.

Old Beliefs are rooted in the unconscious:

Dr. Chris Walton, who wrote The Gamma Mindset, contends that the conscious mind is only in charge about 5% of the time. The vast majority of our behaviour is determined by programs that are buried in our unconscious. These programs, or beliefs, were installed by parents and the prevailing culture. Most of us are not even aware of them. This is partly because as scientists like Bruce Lipton say, most of these programs are firmly installed by the time we’re 7 years old.

Old Beliefs have nothing to do with Self-discipline:

No wonder it feels so difficult to change behaviours. We all know the limitations of self-discipline. New research on discipline is showing that we all only have a limited amount of it and it usually runs out before new habits have had enough time to establish themselves.

What about affirmations? Because they use only the conscious mind, they can only have a very limited effect.

Fortunately there are new mind technologies that can access the unconscious..Using myself as a guinea pig, I’ve been experimenting with a specific protocols and I’m excited by the results I’m getting.

Installing a New Belief:

I start by determining a specific belief that I’d like to have. Then, I muscle test the belief to assess how strong or weak it is in my energetic system. If it’s weak, I do a short protocol that involves some specific breathing, then some specific tapping, and a heart coherence process while I rest in what’s called the Whole Brain posture.

This takes about 10-15 minutes max. When I’m done, I muscle test again and usually find that the belief is strong and robust. And always feel more energetic.

Would you like to try it out?

I’m going to be teaching this protocol in my new course, Inner Authority, Saying and Unsayable, because I often find that beliefs often hold people back from speaking their truth and I want to teach tools that people can use on their own to free themselves up.

To learn more about the course, click HERE NOW!

This Will Make You Smile

December 18, 2019 By Karen Leave a Comment

Photo of people smiling

A this time of year, we can all benefit from a smile. Even the commercials on TV seem eager to warm our hearts and get us smiling. Here are some 3-minute ads that will brighten your spirits. Please pass the smile on to others.

This one shows a man learning a new language so he can communicate with his grandchild.

English for Beginners

This video is a poignant one about a holiday with a loved one missing.

Family Members Who Are Gone

This video shows the generosity of a woman to a child.

Nicholas the Sweep

And one about how our faults can be put to good use.

And lastly, the Christmas concert. Delightful!

Christmas 2019

If you are new to my website, please consider signing up for weekly inspirations and tools geared to help you create your Best Self and a life that will make your Soul smile.The sign-up is at the top left of this page.

Have a wonderful holiday. Make sure you show as much love and kindness to yourself as you show to others.

As always, I’m cheering you on from the sidelines!

Loving Ourselves

December 11, 2019 By Karen Leave a Comment

Loving ourselves is one of the most important things you can do for your own personal development. Why? Because love is the most vital nourishment you can receive and most of us are sadly lacking in it.

Our need for love is a primal prerequisite for survival. It’s been like that since your arrival on the planet. Newborns can be fed all kinds of nutrient-rich food, but without love, they get a medical condition called “failure to thrive.” To do well, we all need copious amounts of food from the heart. Nothing else comes close to it. As babies, we have to rely on the adults around us to fulfill this need, but as adults, loving ourselves is something we can do and when we do, we thrive.

Four reasons loving ourselves is so important.

When we love ourselves, we are taking care of one of our core needs. This gives us a sense of personal sovereignty. This will not only make us more attractive to others, it frees up the people around us to not feel required to love us. They can then love us, not because it’s demanded of them, but because they want to.
People who love themselves usually radiate a warm energy that’s very appealing to be around. They usually have a glow. We find ourselves wanting to be near them, as you might want to be around a warm fire.
Loving ourselves opens our hearts. When our hearts are open, it’s easier to feel connected to others and feel compassionate towards them. Even if those others are different in some ways from us, our open hearts help us to know that other people want the same things we want. Like us, they want to be happy. Like us, they want to be healthy. To be loved. Really, we are all same—vulnerable hearts beating with aspirations for a good life.
Lastly, it is my believe that our human hearts are connected to the great cosmic heart. Whatever you call this spiritual energy, this huge heart floods its beneficence through the universe, making the sun shine and the flowers grow. When we open our hearts and love ourselves, we usually feel connected to this huge love. When this connection is strong, we know we can relax because we are aware that we are floating in a vast ocean of beneficence. How wonderful is that.

Picture of an open heart

Want to open your heart?

Here are two resources. The first is from Louise Hay who was one of first people to talk extensively about self-love. The second is a little book called, Love Yourself Like Your Life Depended On It by Kamal Ravikant, which tells abou his own journey to love himself. It’s a short but poignant read.

Speaking of books, I also have a section in my new book, Find Your Inner Gold, 21 Powerful Tools to Bring Back Your Shine, but, because I’m committed to your personal growth and there’s no time like that present, I want to offer you a short exercise you can do right now that will help to open your heart. We are so used to working from our heads, that we often forget about the heart, but this exericse can be very powerful.

Put your hand on your over heart right now and just breathe into it for a few moments. The heart often has a lot of say, so you may experience some feelings as you do this. If so, just let that be. Just keep breathing and feeling this amazing electromagnetic field that lives in your chest. It’s dozens of times more powerful that anything above your shoulders.

Now, see if you can connect your own heart to the huge heart of the cosmos. Feel that spiritual heart cascading lovingness into you, filling you with warm loving kindness. Let yourself float in the ocean of it for a while.

Feel any different?

I thought so.